A little something something I learned today...

Playing hangman with a 6 year old is even less fun than playing Barbies.

That's because phrases like "I love you very much" is spelled like "I love you veary moch".

It just gets to be too confusing and frustrating and not very much fun on my part.

Jack turned 5!

I wasn't sure he would actually live to see the day.

My oldest two kids have spent the last week tag teaming who would be the one to either throw a tantrum or give me attitude. I have fought more battles over the most rediculous things this week than I can remember. And I actually had the words, "You keep it up and I'll GIVE you something to cry about" fall out of my mouth.

This was our morning:

My mom was going to take him to the movies with his sister but he said, "I don't WANT to go." So, not wanting to fight that battle, I said, "Then you don't GET to go." My mom took Lauren and Erik instead. I wasn't sure who was being punished more though. Jack for being stubborn or my mom for having to take a 2 year old who had never even been to the movies before. The trick, by the way, to get a 2 year old to sit still for 2 hours......Skittles.

Then I told the kids I'd take them to Wendy's for lunch. I heard they had Junie B. Jones book CD's in the kid's meals. He wanted to go to Burger King. The closest Burger King is probably 5 miles further away. I went to Wendys. He didn't eat his kid's meal. And now it's only 1:00 PM and I desperately needed a diet Coke but I drank the last one at 9:00.....AM. Right after the movie battle. Momma no happy.

He told me he wanted a Power Rangers cake for his birthday. I really do try my best to accomodate their requests. I draw the line though with anything Bratz related or involving lasers and needing an engineering degree.

Here's the cake I came up with:

He thought it was cool. My mom thought it was a sunflower. I thought it was funny that the name of the color on the Wilton frosting gel package said, "Pooh yellow or Pooh". It definately looked like Poo(h). He got a couple of transformer toys. I felt it was time he upgraded from the big legos that he would use as he ran around the house making assorted noises to something a little more five-year-oldish. He also got a bunch of new clothes and a backpack for when he starts kindergarten in THREE WEEKS! ( see my sad face? )

All day kindergarten is starting to sound VERY tempting.

This is the house that "we" built

This is my spin off of the old Mother Goose Nursery rhyme which sums up my life right now:

This is the house that we built.

This is the house

That we couldn't sell before because the market was so bad

That we turned into a rental house

That is the house that we built.

This is the floor

That we have to take out and put down wood laminate instead

That was the rental

That we couldn't sell before

That lay in the house that we built.

This is the wall

That we have to paint a neutral color to attract more buyers

That will then match the floors

That was the rental

That we couldn't sell before

That lay in the house that we built.

This is the outside

That we have to give "curb appeal"

That will match the walls

That go with the floors

That was the rental

That we couldn't sell before

That lay in the house that we built.

This is the kitchen

That needs all appliances replaced to match the new countertops

That will match the walls

That will go with the floors

That was the rental

That we couldn't sell before

That lay in the house that we built.
This is the space

That we need to add built-ins so people will get what the space is for

That will match the replaced appliances

That will match the walls

That will go with the floors

That was the rental

That we couldn't sell before

That lay in the house that we built.

This is the bathroom that needs to be tiled

That will update the room

That will go with the built-ins

That will match the replaced appliances

That will match the walls

That will go with the floors

That was the rental

That we couldn't sell before

That lay in the house that we built.

This is the mom that is stressed and worn

That there will be two mortage payments to make

That will get new tile in the bathroom

That has to replace the appliances

That will match the walls

That will go with the floors

That was the rental
That we couldn't sell before

That lay in the house that we built.
Anyone want to buy a rare custom, seven year old cute house in sunny Mesa, AZ? I'll post some after pictures when we get done.

What were you like in High School?

Take the test to find out:

This was me:

All American Kid

Popular but not plastic. Athletic but not a jock. Smart but not a brain. You were well rounded and well liked in high school.

Who Were You In High School?

Happy 4th of July

I love the 4th of July. Each year it gives me an opportunity to reflect on our great nation and the sacrifices that were made to allow us the freedoms we have today. I also love the 4th because I love early American History. I grew up in Pennsylvania surrounded by historical sites and the home of the highly acclaimed Cheesesteak and Birch beer. A place where an "old" building was something built in the early 1700's as opposed to where I live now where "old" is something built in the 1970's. We lived just 20 minutes from where George Washington crossed the Delaware River and an hour or so from Valley Forge. A few hours west was Gettysburg which has such an amazing, solemn, spiritual feeling to it. A few hours drive south was Washington DC where the Museum of American History is, which is my favorite museum. I loved seeing the flag being unveiled that Francis Scott Key saw flying over the Chesapeake Bay which inspired the words to our National Anthem.

I'm about as Patriotic as they get. I got 90% on a citizenship test. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19552808/


Along with the usual 4th traditions of fireworks, corn on the cob and watermelon, there is also a tradition that has taken place in our great nation for the last 92 years on Coney Island. You guessed it. The annual Nathan's Hot Dog eating competition. It's the smack down of all smack downs if you follow the "how much food can one person eat" circuit. I still can't decide which was funnier. Seeing the food categories the competitors have won titles in or the commentators remarks.

Here's what I mean.

There was a big dude who was the pork and bean eating champion. There was another 62 year old man who was the spam AND birthday cake eating champion. ( How completely random and unrelated could those two food items be from each other? ). There was a "meat on the bone" competitor who only competed in....you guessed it....competitions dealing with meat on the bones. There was another guy who I believe was the strawberry shortcake eating champion. Which leads me to funny commentator remark #1.

"Well he ate 46 to qualify. That's 2 hot dogs for every day Paris Hilton was in jail. He's dedicating this contest to Nikki Hilton."

Who would have guessed that Paris's name would be mentioned at a hot dog eating contest?

Evidently, he was trying to channel his inner Nikki because like Nikki who is in the shadow of her sister, Paris, he too, feels he is in the shadow of Joey Chestnut. If you don't know who Joey "Jaws" Chestnut is, I'll talk about him later.

Another guy holds the record for eating 23 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes. He and the pork and bean guy should get together. They'd have a rip roaring time I'm sure.

Then there was the "Black Widow". They really do have cute little nicknames much like the WWF. Only this girl was seriously 105 pounds soaking wet.

This was her title:

"Cheesecake eating, fried okra eating, minced pie eating, soft taco eating, turducken eating, sweet potato eating, vienna sausage eating, fruitcake eating, quesadilla eating, ham biscuit eating, pulled pork eating, ravioli eating, oyster eating, crabcake eating, jambalaya eating" champion.

I kept having to pause and rewind the recording to make sure I got it all in there. They say she ate 10 pounds of cheesecake in 10 minutes. How do you train for something like that? SHE'S 105 POUNDS!!! My left thigh alone weighs that much! I put on 10 pounds just eating ONE slice of Godiva chocolate cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. I gain five pounds just smelling the cheesecake. Two pounds if I think about cheesecake. If I ate 10 pounds of cheesecake all at once, I'd be an elephant.....and not even a soaking wet one! How fair is THAT?

Then there was Joey Chestnut who was represent'n for our country. The "deep fried asparagus" eating champion. Our hero. The main man about to take on the 6 time champion Takeru Kobayashi. This year though, was a little different. It seems Kobayashi was suffering from arthritis of the jaw and had some wisdom teeth taken out. What are the odds? That's pretty unfortunate seeing that his livelihood is cramming 50+ hot dogs down his throat in 12 minutes once a year.

This leads me to funny commentator remark #2:

"I don't know if you've ever had your wisdom teeth taken out but it's a pain like a Peyton Manning commerical."

So the competition began. Three minutes into the 12 minute competition, I had to look away. My gag reflex has exacerbated since I had kids. The world record was something like 60 hot dogs. Both Chestnut and Kobayashi surpassed that number. A couple of seconds before the time ran out, Kobayashi "lost it" so to speak which leads me to funny commentator remark #3.

"That's a Kobayashi reversal." and "Yeah. A reversal of fortune."

In the end, Chestnut won 66 -63. How would you like to be the guy that comes in second place, having beaten the previous world record as well, but falling short and all you have to show for it are 63 hot dogs in your stomach and really bad heart burn? It was the upset of the century. Which leads me to my last and final funny commentator remark #4:

"If you google "hero" tomorrow, you'll get Abe Lincoln, Neil Armstrong, Taylor Hicks and this guy....Joey Chestnut."


Oh come on now. That's just crazy talk. Taylor Hicks? I mean seriously.


For your viewing pleasure:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drZPCAsPWl4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r56uLxEllLM

Why spend thousands of dollars on a trip for the family....

Just take the kids to Ikea and they won't even know the difference. And they will tell you in a whiny voice how we need to get there earlier next time so that we can spend MORE time there.

The looks on their faces and the "Aaaahhhs" alone as the elevator doors opened to the "happiest place on earth" aka the second floor, were priceless. You would have thought we were entering Cinderella's Castle. I almost swear I could hear the voice of Ariel singing ever so softly in the background:

"Ah ah ahhh......Ah ah AAhhh. Ah Ah aaahh Ah Ah aah Aahh aahh Ah Ah AAHHH!"

Seriously, here's my list of reasons why Ikea is like Disneyland.

1. The arrangement of the furniture into little "houses" is like a little kid's dream. Some even resemble something you might see in Mickey or Minnie's house in Toontown.

2. They have a restaurant with fine cuisine from around the world ( ok, maybe just Sweden ) like you might find at Epcot Center.

3. You can enjoy the long lines at the check out like you do at the park in the middle of summer.

4. You need a map to get around.

5. Your child has to be a certain height in order to ride the rides. ( in the play area anyways)

6. Your kids still get tired and cranky.

7. They have bins of useless trinkets throughout to entice your kids to grab them from seated position in the stroller and beg scream cause they gotta have it.

8. You can see how some of the pieces could easily be mistaken for Tomorrowland.

9. They have teacups.

10. The place is "Fantasmic!" and when you get home, you feel like you need a vacation from your vacation.

The mystery of the whatchacallit thingamajig

After having kids, I have resigned myself to the fact that I'll have to wait to buy really nice stuff. Like a sectional with a recliner and a chaise for my family room. Something like that would just get thrashed to pieces in an hour.

But a few months ago during my nesting phase, I splurged and bought me one of these except mine actually has FOUR bags instead of three. The extra bag allows me to put off doing laundry for an extra day or two. Totally worth it.

I love the four compartments and the ease of taking off the bags and hauling them upstairs to the laundry room. See, there are these metal whatchacallits that hook onto the sides that you can pull off and use as handles. But mostly, I was jazzed about my new found organization capability.

One day about two months ago, from the time it took me to take one of the bags upstairs and empty it into the washing machine, one of the whatchacallits disappeared. I'm thinking it had to be somewhere. I mean, seriously....we're talking from my bedroom closet, up a flight of stairs and then about 5 feet to the laundry room. I thought it might have fallen into the washing machine or something.


But no.

I spent the next twenty minutes tracing and retracing my path back and forth dumbfounded that a little thingamajig could just disappear like that.

Then I remembered I had a little two year old who decided he wanted to interfere hinder help me around the same time as the disappearance. I figured he must have wandered off with it. So I did what any mom of a two year old would do. I had to look in the most improbable places... like inside the DVD player, in all the drawers, in the toy box, in the pantry, the toilets, the dishwasher, the garbage.....you know.....places a two year old has been known to put things.


No luck.

I figured it was a goner for good and the odds of finding it were slim to none. I was pretty sad that my slick, new hamper just wasn't the same anymore.


Then yesterday, I see Mr. two year old banging something against the wall. I looked closer and realized it was my whatchacallit thingamajig!

Could it be?

I ran to my room and took an inventory of the ones I had thinking he might have swiped another one. I counted....one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.......they were all there except for one!

I still to this day don't have a clue where it was. I'm just happy I've got it back and in its proper place.

It's the little things in life you know.......

I am SO totally a mom

And here's why:

1. I walked through Target, Costco and Walmart with a dark t-shirt that accentuated the spit up stains on the shoulder and didn't even know it. And if I did, I wouldn't really even care.

2. I caught myself telling my daughter to be sure to also comb the BACK of her hair.

3. I finish off the leftover macaroni and cheese in the pan.

4. I can nurse one child, read a book to another child, listen to another child's story about how I'm supposed to pretend to call her and ask for a pretend makeover while tuning out my other child who is frolicking on the furniture making assorted noises all while watching my CNBC stock ticker scroll on tv and making a mental grocery list in my head. ( Now.....about that makeover......)

5. I have items like a Bumbo, a Miracle Blanket, a swing, an Exersaucer, a play mat, Boppy pillow and a bouncy chair that take up more space than real furniture in my family room.

6. A good day is when I get a shower in before 3pm.

7. An even BETTER day is when I can get two kids to nap at the same time, use the bathroom in peace, and take a shower ( AND shave my legs! ) without hearing, "MOM!?! MOM!?! MOM!?!".

8. I have a shelf in my pantry dedicated to boxes of cereal. ( And have foraged through the garbage to pull an empty box out because I feel guilty if I don't cut out the "box tops" )

9. I admit to telling my kids that the dark M & Ms are nasty and they wouldn't like them. Complete with facial expressions and all for added drama. Then I hide my stash in the #10 food storage cans in my cupboard.

10. I say things like "Because I said so", "Because I'm the mom", "How do you know you don't like it if you haven't even tried it?", and "If I have to come in there.....so help me......"

11. I changed 3 diapers yesterday within 5 minutes. All from the same child.

12. People magazines have been replaced with Parenting magazines.

13. I drive an SUV. With car/booster seats in every space. And two different types of strollers stored inside at all times. The double pain- in -the -rear- to- get- in -and- out kind, and the simple umbrella stroller. Depending on the need.

14. I buy the kid's Halloween costumes for the next year the day after Halloween when they are on sale. Then as we get closer to the next Halloween, I start laying the groundwork by saying how cool it would be if they were a "butterfly" or a "dinosaur" for Halloween this year!

15. I know who Hannah Montana, Drake, Josh, Zack and Cody are. I can also sing along to the theme songs from Blue's Clues, Dora, Go Diego Go and "Life is a Highway" from Cars.

16. You can never have too much construction paper.

17. I give in and will take the kids to McDonald's only because they want the cool, new, worthless piece of junk Happy Meal toy.

18. I only buy my kids shoes if they have velcro instead of laces.

19. The music played in the car is either a CD of kid songs or Radio Disney.

20. My monthly diaper budget is almost a car payment.

21. Activities and errands revolve around naptime.

22. My kids think that a "fancy" dinner is when I put hot dogs in the macaroni and cheese.

And my all time favorite:
23. Having a child say, "Where are you going?" anytime I put on makeup or a bra.


Feel free to add your own.

You do the math.....

This entry is inspired by my trip to Subway over the weekend.

Remember back in school and your teacher tried to convince you that you needed to learn math because you would use it everyday? And remember how much you hated math and that you retorted or at least THOUGHT that you could just use a calculator? As if I really need to know what Pi is or the inside angle of a rhombus.

Well, here's a couple of reasons WHY math is good.

I worked in fast food once when I was 16. It was my first real job outside of babysitting on Saturday nights. It lasted two months. Right after my first pay raise review when I was told that I was too "slow" at the register and I wouldn't be getting a raise was when I realized I would much rather make $2/hour babysitting than working at McDonalds for $3.25. You might think that it doesn't make sense because I was taking a pay cut. But the way I see it....not having to wear that chocolate brown polyester monstrosity alone was enough to make up the difference. My only real memory of working there that summer was when I was mopping the floor and a little old lady came up to me and told me about a young gentleman who had been eyeing me. She gave me a little wink and went on her way. I wanted to be flattered but then realized how creepy it was that a kid could think I was even remotely attractive in that hideous getup. Oh, and I do recall a couple of mustard and ketchup fights in the kitchen with my twin brother. That was fun.


Back to Subway.


I had a fairly large order to make. A couple of six inch sub combos and three kid's meals. There was a line out the door so I really tried to make it easy for the employee. Remember, I worked fast food before and know what kind of private torture it can be. I had the two six inch subs made out of the same type of bread and made all of the kid's meals the same sandwich. And when she asked if I wanted my sub toasted, I said "no" knowing that it would just complicate things too much. As I made my way to the register, I told the girl what I had ordered and to make the two six inch sandwiches combo meals with the largest soda. I knew it was a risk but I really wanted a large diet Coke. I was told that they ran out of lids for the largest cup size so I was stuck getting the smaller size.


Uh oh. Things were already starting to get iffy.


Remember.... two six inch combos and 3 kid's meals. $27.69 later, I mentioned how I thought that seemed a little high. I was expecting it to be around $18-$20. So, I'm doing the math. Two bucks a piece for the kid's meals. Maybe $6.50 for each combo. So, I have her show me the receipt and first thing I noticed is a double charge for one of the sandwiches. Of course she didn't know how to reverse my charge and neither did the manager. He told her to just give me cash back for the overcharge. As she starts to count out the $3.69, I didn't have the heart to tell her that it should be $3.69 PLUS the tax. I knew she wouldn't get it. There were percentages and decimals involved and it wasn't worth the quarter to explain it to her.

A couple of weeks ago, I went over to LA Fitness to look into a membership. I had a membership at Ballys years ago and know the whole schpeel. You have to go in like it's a car dealership. NEVER accept the first price because there is always something better. After the tour, the man sat down with me to go over the prices. His first offer was a $149 enrollment non refundable fee then $39 per month. So with all of the confidence in the world I said,"Awe come on! You can do better than THAT!" I was more interested in the one- time- pay- in- full -with- the- shortest- contract deal. He had to "talk to his manager." ( the 16 year old girl at a desk behind him ). I hear whisperings and a little note taking then some giggles. Then he comes back and tells me about the great offer his manager is letting him give me. Wow! I must be special!

Remember those annoying word problems? Well, here is an example where that little bit of knowledge might have helped Mr. LA Fitness man.

This was my deal. I could do the $149 fee plus only pay $25/month! OR, if I wanted to pay in full, I could pay $449 for a one year membership.

You do the math.

I showed him that $149 plus $25 per month for a year is the same as $449. It took him a few times of me explaining it for him to get it. He even had to use his calculator accessory on his computer. And when he finally got it, he said, "Well wow!.....I got busted."

Yes. Yes you did.

I'm a year older now......

Let us please have a moment of silence.


40 is like the new 25 right?

Oh What Do You Do In The Summertime....

I don't know why this stuck in my head but I felt impressed to write my own words to the song, "Oh What Do You Do In The Summertime?".

Ehem.

Oh what do you do in the summertime
When all the kids are home?
Do you break up the fights
And tell someone, "BE NICE!
Or you'll spend the day in your room!"

Is that what you do?
-- So do I.


Oh what do you do in the summertime
When all the kids are home?
Do you go to the pool
And try to keep your cool
'Cause your 4 year old doesn't want to take lessons?

Is that what you do?
-- So do I.


Oh what do you do in the summertime
When all the kids are home?
Do you sign the kids up for stuff
Basically just time filler fluff
In order to keep your sanity?

Is that what you do?
-- So do I.

Oh what do you do in the summertime
When all the kids are home?
Do you count down the days
Till you can sit in your chaise
And watch what YOU want on tv?

Is that what you do?
-- So do I.

Born to shop the market

I know I've mentioned my love of the stock market before. Some women love to shop. Others love to scrapbook. I love to play the stock market. I know I've also mentioned that I like to watch "Mad Money" on CNBC with Jim Cramer. Well, the other day, after hearing the soundbite "BUY! BUY! BUY!" on the show, my two year old was heard yelling "BUY! BUY! BUY!" My little prodigy in the making......

I'm always looking for the next great stock to buy. A good deal if you will. And, like women, when you come across a good deal, you have to share it with all of your friends.

So, I could hardly contain my giddiness when I read an article about how both DiscoverCard and Visa were planning to go public sometime this year! Since I bought Mastercard when they went public last May, the stock has tripled. I can only imagine what Discover and Visa will do when they ride Mastercard's coat-tails. And lets face it.....women KNOW credit cards. I think both stocks will be a big hit!

Screecher man is 2!

Neither of my two oldest kids went through the terrible twos. I never understood what people were talking about when they brought up how terrible two year olds can behave. Until they hit three. I remember thinking that while the advice was appropriate, they were just off by a year is all. It's really the tenacious threes that's the problem. They could talk back to me then.

Then I had Erik.

He actually did hit the terrible twos. Or maybe it was the tenacious threes, just a year early. It happened right after the baby was born. There was no gradual ascend. It was literally one day he was cute and pleasant, the next day........Holy terror tornado had entered the building.

He learned to screech. And I mean ear-piercingly shriek! If it wasn't for the fact that he's just so dang cute especially when he says things like, "Pees?!? Hab it?" and "Anks!" I might overlook his need to scream what it is he wants to drink and wants NOW. Because by golly, unless you want your ears to start ringing, you better get the drink right and do it FAST.

So he had his two year old kick off party to celebrate his inauguration into two-dom. And since he loves all things Elmo, of course I had to make him an Elmo cake.

Then we went to the park to take his annual pictures. The cutest ones I took within the first 2 minutes. Literally. Because that's the attention span of a two year old.

See what I mean? He's darling! But, he's also 29 pounds worth of a two year old.

Happy Birthday Screecherman!

What's in a name?

I discovered an easy way to know if a name is "trendy" or not. If it can be found embroidered on a pillow sham or towel anywhere in the Pottery Barn catalog, odds are, it's trendy. Who knew 5-6 years ago that people would fall in love with two of my children's names? Evidently, Lauren and Jack can be found on just about every page of the latest Spring catalog.

It's hard to come up with a good name when you're under pressure. We looked through every baby naming website we could find trying to come up with the perfect name for our newest little boy. Having three boys in a row makes coming up with the perfect name even harder. We became one of those parents who arrived at the hospital, having had nine months to come up with something, and not being able to agree on a name for our child.

Some names we could easily cross off of our list. The name Reilly for example. Some good friends of ours had a girl a few months earlier and named her Rilee. Two Reilly/Rilees in the same class at school and church would be a little silly. Lauren had two Taylors in her class last year. One was called the "boy" Taylor the other the "girl" Taylor. Besides, Reilly/Rilee/Riley/Rylee or any other spelling was too trendy. (See page 140 in the Winter '07 Pottery Barn catalog ).

Then there were the names I liked but were too "traditional" trendy. Names like Ryan, Alex or Nathan. Those were nixed by my husband. Not really sure why.

Then there were the silly "I-dare-you-to-name-your-child-that" names. Names that have either an apostrophe, a dash or start with "La" would fit in this category.

Since we knew our son would be born on March 21st which just so happened to be the first day of spring and the Vernal Equinox, I jokingly thought it might be an appropriate name. At least I thought I was joking when I mentioned the name to my husband. While he wasn't thrilled with Vernal or Vern, he actually did consider Equinox. Both were nixed by me. I'm sure I know why.

We finally narrowed it down to two. Ian or Colin. They were two names that were just different enough to not be considered Pottery Barn trendy or traditional trendy. And they were normal names unlike Vernal Equinox or LaWayne or even Noah-Lot. We surveyed people where ever we went to see if one name was more well liked than the other. We polled my on-line friends, our family and even my husband's co-workers at the work Christmas party. Heck, we even polled the nurses at the hospital! It was pretty much a toss up. They were of no help.

I decided that I wanted to "see" our little boy first before committing to a name. I guess deep down I was thinking that heralding angels would proclaim his name to me and I would say, "YES! That's IT!"

That didn't happen.

We knew we couldn't call him "boy" or

"The baby" forever. So, while still in my morphine state of mind, my husband's name choice won out in the end.

I'd like to introduce you to our newest member of the family.

Ian Kirk

Born 3/21 at 7:49am

7 pounds 15 ounces

20 1/2 inches

I suppose if we really wanted to be different and join the ranks of the Utah baby namers, we could have spelled it E-N. http://wesclark.com/ubn/

All I want for Christmas is a.....hematoma?

Well. Not really. But that's what my husband got whether he wanted it or not. And it's not really something you can return or exchange either. I'll spare you from the gory details and him of humiliation from mentioning where exactly on his body this is located. Just know, it didn't tickle.

Here we are in February, and a bulge on his right hip is still very noticeable.

You ask how he even got himself a hematoma? Well.....it had something to do with a second story and an extension ladder mixed with an engineer husband who thought he didn't need anyone to hold the bottom of the ladder for him. ( Even I understand enough about geometry and levers to know better ).

Let's just say we had the prettiest lights on our house in the neighborhood. I think he learned his lesson. Next year, we'll just put up a wreath.

Maybe.

BAD Mommy! Bad!

So, I'm pregnant.

That has been my excuse for a lot of things. Like not keeping up with my blog for one. It's also going to be my excuse for getting out of jury duty on March 7th. I'm entitled to use it as my excuse because I'm not one of the "lucky" women who just feels a little queezy for a month and then feels blissfully wonderful for the rest of their pregnancy. You know the ones I'm talking about. They are the ones who barely look pregnant at nine months ( or look as big as I do at 6 months ). Who go and get professional belly pictures taken ( no amount of photoshop could help my case ). Have their nursery all decorated by now ( this child will have the same as his 3 other siblings before him ). And who have their hospital bag packed 2 months in advance ( the night before is good enough ).

No...I pretty much throw up every day, have bad skin, mousy hair, insomnia, bad sciatica and complete exhaustion. I noticed that most of the time I walk, I'm arched backwards holding my aching lower back and mumbling "Owe. Owe. Owe." as I go. I have learned to use my toes to pick things up because of my huge-normous belly. There's stickers that Erik put on the tile floor that will stay there for atleast another 3 months because I'm not about to bend over and scrape it up. I'd pass out from not being able to breathe. Oh yeah, and multiple sinus infections because I can't breathe through my nose for the last half of the term. Blah blah blah. I'm surprised I'm having four kids with what I have to put up with for nine months. And I've realized that my pregnancies seem to make me a bad ( guilt ridden ) mommy. Here's why:

1. Laundry which may or may not be washed, folded and guaranteed to be wrinkled beyond comprehension, stacks up. My children think the baskets in the hall are their dresser drawers. At least that's where they look first.

2. I NEED a nap every day. I look forward to putting Erik down for his nap because I know it is also MY turn to take a nap. I don't even have to look at a clock. My body just knows it's 1pm.

3. Nap time to my four year old, means "quiet time." Which means, I sleep on the couch while he watches whatever he wants on tv. It's sad when he will actually turn the tv off because he's tired of watching it.

I know. I told you I was a bad mommy. It gets worse. I promise.

4. My 18 month old's first words? "Buzz" as in "Buzz Lightyear". His first song? "Spongebob SquarePants". Well, it's actually more like "Bunge ba bear 'ts". As soon as he hears it on tv, he will yell "BOB! BOB!" then attempt to sing along.

I know. Bad bad horrible mommy.

The amount of excess tv time might explain why when Jack was asked what we should name the new baby, he said, "Nemo" or "Tarzan".

I think we need a little review

Jack told me the other day that he knows how the dinosaurs became extinct.

Evidently, it is because Jesus used his karate chop moves and then his lasers made them disappear.


Looks like I know what we'll be talking about in Family Home Evening.

Coming Soon...

Wanna know how to get rid of telemarketers?

Let your 1 year old play with the phone and mess up the answering machine. Then you get to hear the telemarketer's conversation with the answering machine that goes like this:

Machine: Ba Da Da ((beep beep beep))
Telemarketer: Hello?
Machine: Da da da bababa ((Beep BEEEEEP))
Telemarketer: Hello? Anyone there? Ma'am?
Machine: Hey! Come on. Give me the phone.
Telemarketer: ( Click )


Sweet. It would probably work well for those midweek calls from a Bishopric member wanting to ask you to give a talk in church on Sunday.......

Jack is 4!

And what exactly does that mean?

It means that I can finally cut his sandwiches in FOUR pieces instead of three.


I reminded him throughout the day that it was his birthday and that he was now four years old. This is how the conversations went. All. day. long.:

Me: Do you know what day it is today?
Jack: YEAH! It's my birthday!
Me: That's right! How old are you?
Jack: I'm three.
Me: No. It's your birthday which means you're four!
Jack: No. I'm not four until I eat my cake.

I guess he's probably right. He WAS born at 8:10pm. Right around the time we ate birthday cake.

The cake. Ah. The cake. With baited breath you wait, eager to see the masterpiece I affectionately call.....

"The Birthday Cake".

I shall refer to it as a "she" as it was temperamental, unstable, and had a mind of its her own. The cake whos frosting oozed down her sides and puddled at that bottom because of the 115 degree heat. She wasn't exactly archetectually sound. Held up by toothpicks placed just about every inch throughout. Kind of like a "cake bra". But, in the end, it worked. Jack loved it and thought it was "cool". And really, that's all that matters.