Happy 4th of July

I love the 4th of July. Each year it gives me an opportunity to reflect on our great nation and the sacrifices that were made to allow us the freedoms we have today. I also love the 4th because I love early American History. I grew up in Pennsylvania surrounded by historical sites and the home of the highly acclaimed Cheesesteak and Birch beer. A place where an "old" building was something built in the early 1700's as opposed to where I live now where "old" is something built in the 1970's. We lived just 20 minutes from where George Washington crossed the Delaware River and an hour or so from Valley Forge. A few hours west was Gettysburg which has such an amazing, solemn, spiritual feeling to it. A few hours drive south was Washington DC where the Museum of American History is, which is my favorite museum. I loved seeing the flag being unveiled that Francis Scott Key saw flying over the Chesapeake Bay which inspired the words to our National Anthem.

I'm about as Patriotic as they get. I got 90% on a citizenship test. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19552808/


Along with the usual 4th traditions of fireworks, corn on the cob and watermelon, there is also a tradition that has taken place in our great nation for the last 92 years on Coney Island. You guessed it. The annual Nathan's Hot Dog eating competition. It's the smack down of all smack downs if you follow the "how much food can one person eat" circuit. I still can't decide which was funnier. Seeing the food categories the competitors have won titles in or the commentators remarks.

Here's what I mean.

There was a big dude who was the pork and bean eating champion. There was another 62 year old man who was the spam AND birthday cake eating champion. ( How completely random and unrelated could those two food items be from each other? ). There was a "meat on the bone" competitor who only competed in....you guessed it....competitions dealing with meat on the bones. There was another guy who I believe was the strawberry shortcake eating champion. Which leads me to funny commentator remark #1.

"Well he ate 46 to qualify. That's 2 hot dogs for every day Paris Hilton was in jail. He's dedicating this contest to Nikki Hilton."

Who would have guessed that Paris's name would be mentioned at a hot dog eating contest?

Evidently, he was trying to channel his inner Nikki because like Nikki who is in the shadow of her sister, Paris, he too, feels he is in the shadow of Joey Chestnut. If you don't know who Joey "Jaws" Chestnut is, I'll talk about him later.

Another guy holds the record for eating 23 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes. He and the pork and bean guy should get together. They'd have a rip roaring time I'm sure.

Then there was the "Black Widow". They really do have cute little nicknames much like the WWF. Only this girl was seriously 105 pounds soaking wet.

This was her title:

"Cheesecake eating, fried okra eating, minced pie eating, soft taco eating, turducken eating, sweet potato eating, vienna sausage eating, fruitcake eating, quesadilla eating, ham biscuit eating, pulled pork eating, ravioli eating, oyster eating, crabcake eating, jambalaya eating" champion.

I kept having to pause and rewind the recording to make sure I got it all in there. They say she ate 10 pounds of cheesecake in 10 minutes. How do you train for something like that? SHE'S 105 POUNDS!!! My left thigh alone weighs that much! I put on 10 pounds just eating ONE slice of Godiva chocolate cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. I gain five pounds just smelling the cheesecake. Two pounds if I think about cheesecake. If I ate 10 pounds of cheesecake all at once, I'd be an elephant.....and not even a soaking wet one! How fair is THAT?

Then there was Joey Chestnut who was represent'n for our country. The "deep fried asparagus" eating champion. Our hero. The main man about to take on the 6 time champion Takeru Kobayashi. This year though, was a little different. It seems Kobayashi was suffering from arthritis of the jaw and had some wisdom teeth taken out. What are the odds? That's pretty unfortunate seeing that his livelihood is cramming 50+ hot dogs down his throat in 12 minutes once a year.

This leads me to funny commentator remark #2:

"I don't know if you've ever had your wisdom teeth taken out but it's a pain like a Peyton Manning commerical."

So the competition began. Three minutes into the 12 minute competition, I had to look away. My gag reflex has exacerbated since I had kids. The world record was something like 60 hot dogs. Both Chestnut and Kobayashi surpassed that number. A couple of seconds before the time ran out, Kobayashi "lost it" so to speak which leads me to funny commentator remark #3.

"That's a Kobayashi reversal." and "Yeah. A reversal of fortune."

In the end, Chestnut won 66 -63. How would you like to be the guy that comes in second place, having beaten the previous world record as well, but falling short and all you have to show for it are 63 hot dogs in your stomach and really bad heart burn? It was the upset of the century. Which leads me to my last and final funny commentator remark #4:

"If you google "hero" tomorrow, you'll get Abe Lincoln, Neil Armstrong, Taylor Hicks and this guy....Joey Chestnut."


Oh come on now. That's just crazy talk. Taylor Hicks? I mean seriously.


For your viewing pleasure:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drZPCAsPWl4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r56uLxEllLM