Are you intelligent?

I sometimes get calls from a marketing company to potentially take part in a focus group if I fit in their little window of the perfect demographic. I can always tell which direction they want to go by the types of questions they ask. I then try and base my answers accordingly.

Like, "When shopping for groceries would you say you shop at Walmart 0 - 25% of the time, 25 - 50% of the time, 50 - 75% of the time or 75-100% of the time?"

Uhhhh. 75 - 100 percent of the time?

I got such a call the other day and found it amusing enough that I had to share. I mean....I really was on the phone with this guy in the middle of the interview thinking to myself, "Thank you for giving me something to blog. I was starting to get Bloggers Block."

In the beginning, the interview went the same way that the hundred other interviews had gone in the past. This focus was on laundry soap. Typical questions might include something like,

Interviewer: What percentage of the time would you say you were responsible for doing the laundry in your home?

Me: ( chuckle and/or other assorted throat noise ) Uh. That would be 99% .

My husband wanted me to mention that it was a good thing they didn't ask who it was who did most of the ironing in our home. Ha ha. Funny. He's just lucky the interview wasn't about the garbage.


Then realizing I had gone pretty far in the interview without hearing, "I'm sorry. You don't qualify for our study this time", we started getting into the more personal side of my character. He told me he was going to say a word and I was supposed to say if it was a word I would use to describe myself.

This is where it got good.

Creative?

Yes. (I'd say I'm pretty right-brained )

Adventurous?

Yes. (I had four kids didn't I?)

Resourceful?

Yes. (I'm making a scarecrow out of a #10 can for my kid's school this week)

Inspiring?

Yes. (Like that I'm delusional to think others are in awe of me?)

Adaptable?

Yes. (My kids think it's more normal to have pancakes for dinner than for breakfast. See? I can change it up if I have to)


Organized?

Yes. (Ok. If by "organized" you mean is my house always tidy and my bills are nicely filed in their proper place? Then no. If you mean are my twenty half used bottles of salad dressings all neatly in a row in the door of my refrigerator? Then I'd say yes.)

After this next defining adjective he said, the rest of the interview was all a blur. I just couldn't stop giggling inside.

Would you say you are intelligent?

( Assorted throat noise again ) Uh. Are you serious? Uh. Yeah.

In retrospect, I should have come back with something witty like, "I couldn't be THAT dumb if I commit to showing up for your focus group and get paid ninety bucks for an hour of my time."

And even if I thought I wasn't intelligent, like I was going to admit it to Mr. Telemarketer Man.

Please.

No one is THAT dumb.